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How do I become confident of myself

I was saying that confidence is something that can be practiced So if for some reason you think that confidence is something that certain people just have and that you're never Going to be one of those people just know that it's not true now

There are a lot of things that can make a person feel confident, you know standing up straight with your shoulders back, having a good eye brow day, winning in game of chess,  going to the gym, four times a week; and since it's so broad I'd like to focus more on the internal type of confidence rather than the external in this video. Now I was a confident kid, you know, there was nothing that I couldn't do, I thought to myself, and I wanted to try everything and become everything. I was pretty fearless. But then again, I don't know perhaps that's pretty normal with kids, you know, thinking that you're invincible and all. And also, I was 100% convinced that I was Hermione Granger.

So, I guess that played a part of it. Now, I've definitely had my ups and downs since then with the ups being high and the downs being very low at times, you know, there are still periods of time where I feel more confident than other times and I'm okay with that, you know, I don't strive to be super confident at all times in every situation during any circumstance, you know if that's even possible. Like most things I just want to feel balanced. And in order to get there it's been valuable for me to understand when it is that I feel confident and why I might feel more confident during certain times compared to others, you know, what are the contributing factors? So I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on that and I'm pretty confident that I'm on to something here So these are just my thoughts based on my experience and I thought I would share. Now, they're essentially four steps, I guess you could call it, that I've identified.

being honest with myself

The first step is honesty. Now, when you search the internet for how to become confident several articles point at self pep-talk, you know things like tell yourself that you are really good and your brain will believe it and that probably works for some people but it doesn't really work for me. What does make me feel more confident; however, is being honest with myself, you know looking at the whole picture and taking inventory. So, essentially evaluating both my weaknesses and my strengths, like if I'm not great at chess I'm not going to tell myself that I'm great at chess before a game. It doesn't make sense to me personally. Instead, I will tell myself as it is, you know, I might say, you know I've practiced, I become better, I've learned some new strategies, and I'm still a bit slow and the other person is really good but there's a good chance that I can win this, you know, whatever the situation might be. This is just an example.

putting in the work

And now the second point, and this may be the most important one, is putting in the work, you know It was Tony Suarez who wrote that, "the best way to build confidence in a given area is to invest energy in it and work hard at it." And, one thing I learned for sure is that confidence isn't produced by sitting around and thinking to myself that I am and I can, I need to actually be and do. For example, if I feel uncomfortable in social settings, sitting at home all day, replaying the topics that I'm planning on bringing up next time I'm at a party doesn't boost my confidence, you know, it might temporarily make me feel more prepared, but that'll only get me so far, you know, what is going to generate that confidence is actually exposing myself to those situations again and again and again, and to do my best, you know, I think one of the worst things that you can do is to half-ass something then let the result of that affect how you view yourself and your abilities. Like if I put minimal effort into writing an article and It doesn't get the response that I had wanted I can't really evaluate my competence in a fair way because I haven't utilized it. So, I can't make a fair judgement; If on the other hand, I put my all into it and it's still not perceived the way that I had wanted then at least I can accurately evaluate my flaws and work on those. Which brings me to my next point, and that is, finding comfort in discomfort. You know, each time that you put yourself out there, each time that you try something new, you're taking a risk, and that's nothing profound. You know, we all know that there is no growth in your comfort zone. So, you just gotta take your pick you either risk it for the biscuit or you stay and you Turn into a bag of hay. I don't know, because here's the thing if you're not okay with the possibility of embarrassing yourself, if you're not okay with the possibility of failing, and if you're not okay with the possibility of someone not liking you you will never take a chance and then there is no way for you to get better at anything. And if you're not getting better at anything, you're most likely not going to be very confident.

acceptance does not mean settling

And now, the final point is about acceptance. Now, acceptance does not mean settling, it does not mean setting the bar low or giving up. It just means that You see the situation for what it is which, is really important because if you don't see the situation for what it is you're not really making any room for change or improvement. You know, for example, it's easy to go on a job interview, not get the job, and tell yourself that the interviewer was bitter and Rude, and that they're the one missing out. You know, essentially putting the entire blame on them. And all of that might be true It's likely not the whole truth, you know and not taking an honest look on the situation, you're not allowing yourself to learn anything from that experience, which is a total waste if you ask me.
Now, acceptance is just as much about taking responsibility for your actions as it is giving yourself credit when it's due; and you know, I struggle quite a bit with giving myself credit part, but I'm working on that You know, I try to celebrate little wins and let myself know when I've done a good job; and yeah, I definitely don't forget that part. You know, even if you just cooked yourself a good meal make sure you give yourself a pat on the shoulder. You know, it might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Now like I said this is a very broad topic and I could probably talk about this for hours on end You know I'm pretty passionate about this because I've seen so much wasted potential with people who just haven't had the confidence to live out the way that they could have but I will be uploading a more in depth post on this topic on Positive Attitude 
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