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It has been a while since we've done one of these So grab your cup of tea or coffee today We're gonna be chatting a little bit about confidence: what it is, how we can learn to have more of it.

 Because I feel like confidence, it's not something that we're necessarily born with. I think it's a skill that anyone can learn. There are certain areas in your life, I'm sure, that you feel a little bit more confident in and other areas maybe not so much So like, for me for example,

I am confident making YouTube videos, not confident at all when it comes to speaking Dutch, even though I've lived in the Netherlands for the last three years. And I think confidence is when we have belief in our abilities to accomplish whatever it is, whatever task it is we're setting out to do. And when we have that mindset, we're willing to kind of take more risks to achieve our personal or maybe our professional goals. And having self-confidence is really empowering because when we believe in our abilities we tend to be more successful and that success creates a positive feedback loop where confidence breeds more confidence. So how do we learn to have more of it. Alright, earlier, I gave

the example of I'm confident making YouTube videos now, but that was not always the case. When I first started this channel, every time I sat down in front of the camera and talked aloud alone in my living room, I was so incredibly nervous and I think it boiled down to a lack of Self confidence in what I was doing. And we all have a little bit of that inner voice, I think, that inner critic that says we can't. And I read somewhere once that a number one way to build confidence is to build competence, meaning getting really good at something, and the only way to get really good at something is to put in the time. It's just repetition Doing it over and over and over again and being really stubbornly Persistent too. Like even when you make mistakes and even when things seem really difficult, you just keep doing it. But it's what it's what's the but if I'm different To help us understand now, what about kitchen Dammit dammit dammit Like a couple of years ago, I would never have been comfortable to film in front of a crew of a few people. But the confidence built up each week, each week that I sat in front of that camera and I clicked that record button - over and over and over. And we want to make sure that the initial goals that we're setting for ourselves, that they aren't too

complicated because if you know, it's so difficult that we can't achieve it, I think that's a major blow to our confidence as well. And that's why you're always seeing us say here at PickUpLimes: "Can you break down your goal into smaller more achievable steps?" You know slow and steady. So, let's say for example you want to become like a professional photographer. Instead of telling yourself or setting the unrealistic goal of "I want to become a pro at this overnight." we would instead see how

can we break this down into smaller more achievable? action steps. The first goal might be learning how your camera works. Just learning It's different settings. The next one might be trying to shoot your subject in different lights to find a mood or a style that suits you, that fits you. And then, once you've mastered that you can add another goal. Maybe adding some props, something to play around with, maybe different backdrops , things like that And then the next step might be learning how to use editing programs. And bit by bit you're building confidence by building competence. You keep at it, you give it time, making the tasks such that you can also enter flow state. And that means that the task is on the cusp of being difficult enough that it poses a challenge but it's not too difficult again

that you can't overcome it. And then, when you do overcome each step each phase, one by one. That's what builds our confidence. And I think, the other ways that we can also build confidence is to celebrate achievements. I think we can do that in a couple different ways. Like, for one a lot of us keep to-do lists around all the time, right? But we can also keep and reflect on an "accomplished list", a list of the challenges and projects that you've already completed. And I think, seeing that list consistently in a visible place - it kind of subtly builds our confidence in our skills and abilities. A

friend of mine once told me that we overestimate what we can do in a day and we underestimate what we can do in a lifetime. And that really stuck with me and I think that's where these "achievement lists" can really help because when we're feeling bogged down because you just feel you didn't get enough things done in the day then when you look at this list, it's it's a reminder of the things that you have accomplished. It's something that we've created over the last few weeks and months that shows us that we are capable of achieving many incredible things, so long as we keep working on it and putting in the time. And I think, the other way that we can celebrate our achievements is to just learn to smile and say thank you when someone gives you a compliment. And look, I was the first person to shut that down, like, if somebody said something, said some kind of praise. I think the first thing I'd say is "oh, no anyone could do that" or I'd even put myself down, maybe say, like, "oh, no I could have done better" and... you know. Maybe that came from a place of trying to be humble. I get that, but I also think there's nothing wrong with just again learning to smile and say thank you when someone does compliment you, give you some kind of praise. I think it's best to just take it to heart, respond positively, tell the person it means a lot, that you appreciate it, and just learn to accept it. And I think it breeds more confidence because we're learning self acceptance. It means that we are embracing who we are, what our skills are and what we have to contribute. And I think that we can use this, you know, way of building confidence in any area and any realm of our lives really. Like, say for example, you want to be a more confident public speaker. Okay, well, you know what to do. First start small, maybe start just speaking to a group of a few people. And that way we're making the goal more achievable. Then you're gonna practice, practice, practice. When you've gotten better, try a larger group of people and persist even in the face of adversity. Write down your accomplishments,

accept praise. And by the time that you've moved up to speaking in front of a large group of people it won't have been your first rodeo. I think, the first time we do anything we feel vulnerable but with time, practice, having built competence, then confidence comes easy. So I'm hoping that, you know, that's how this whole formula is, how I'm also going to become more confident speaking Dutch. I just need to put in the time and be persistent. So, wish me luck! If you have any tips of your own on how to build confidence go ahead and share that in the comments below or maybe share what area you would like to be a little bit more confident in. And if you enjoyed today's video, it means a lot when you give it a thumbs up It's been a while since we've done these tea time chats. I'm really hoping we'll do it more frequently because I personally really miss them but thank you for enjoying this cup of tea with me and hope you guys have a lovely week and we'll see you in the next video. So, let's say for example that you Let's say for example, yeah, I'm sure you got it, you got it in the bag. PickUpLimes signing off? That's not usually how I end these teatime chats. I usually say "thanks for having this cup of tea with me." So, thanks!